vacation thoughts

 no i'm not on vacation

 thank you for asking

 in a manner of speaking you might say this post is about my first vacation

 or you might say that it's about every year before now

 since it's not started

 and, well, there might be no vacation at all

 how does it feel to breathe in a spring night's dew for the first time

 it's not quite the same

 the clouds roll in

 the trees sigh

 the air is neither heavy nor light

 there aren't many days to see the whole world at work, with such common luxuries as the school bus, the classroom, the 9 to 5. the pubs at weekends

 days spent at break mix in with days spent on call, in ways that really don't make sense

 with such a schedule, of course, 100% of time goes to use

 there are perspectives about that. that maybe life is about easing pain, which means that a good vacation distracts you just enough from work

 and that work distracts you just enough from idleness

 that maybe you won't be unhappy about either of them

 half of my memories are of those concrete rooms back then, carved with faces of us presidents

 served lies through omission, remembering history as something stale and black and white

 being led to believe that the most important thing that happened in 1860's was the oregon trail

 and that the romans no longer exist

 of course it's safer that way, no one doubts that,

 but i wish i had lived a life instead

 the best way i know to put it is that history is a memory that no one has anymore

 the world has a history, every day

 and i don't want to miss it

 not anymore

 i realize what i sought to call a vacation isn't. or what people call vacations aren't vacations